A REAL NAILBITER

Sunday XI v Ansty, 15th August

 

A keenly contested 40 over match in which we lost narrowly by 230 runs.


 

 


PETER BRADBURY

Won the toss but refused to make a decision until 5 full minutes had elapsed, much to the bemusement of the opposition skipper. Finally decided to make a game of it and put them in. An inspired decision. Refused to bowl himself during the carnage but did the honourable Captain’s thing of opening the batting. However, a Captain’s innings of 9 was never going to be enough chasing a total of 323. Spent the evening wearing a pair of girls slippers.

 

STEVE BARKER

Due to the relentlessness of their batting, Steve was not allowed to fester at 1st slip but actually had to do some running around in the field for a change. Was rather savage in his revenge for Cliff dropping a catch off his bowling when he fired a throw in at him at ‘Skeletor pace’ which fractured the big man’s fingers. Figures of 6-0-52-0 were reminiscent of Balcombe. Resilient with the bat, scoring a stubborn 41.

 

KEVIN MOORMAN

Returned eye rubbing bowling figures of 6-0-72-1. Carnage. However took an outstanding catch on the deep square leg boundary. Ended up in the dreaded No.3 batting spot and scored a creditable 12 before being run out by Papa Barker. Arguments continued well into the night over whose fault it was. Took over the scorebook in typical Moormanator unique style. Corrections were required every over.

 

MARK SHRUBB

Escaped another non-fer but still got clattered for more than 6 an over. Took a catch to help ease the Fantasy Point worries. Scored a quick 21 with the bat before Davross gave him the dreaded finger. Occhhh Shiiit.

 

JASON VORSTER

Spent most of the day whining about a snapped deltoid or something. Took a smart catch to remove their No.3 (but only after he’d amassed 176 runs). No wickets and another duck capped a miserable day for the tub of Zimbabwean lard.

 

NICK MERCADO

With figures of 8-1-39-1 he was the pick of the bowlers. Admitted to everybody in the bar after the game that he was ready to fight anybody after his first 2 balls were clubbed for 6. Couldn’t manage much with the bat, only scoring 1.

 

SIMON GRINSTEAD

Courageous in the field and wisely declined all opportunities to bowl. Courageous with the bat and wisely declined all opportunities to score runs. Main contribution came from his wife who took Cliff to hospital.

 

NORMAN AGNEW

By his own admittance, hadn’t played cricket since he was 11 (between 30 – 40 years ago). This game wasn’t quite how he remembered cricket being played. Still, it was an adventure.

 

DAVE ROSS

Spent most of his time in the field keeping his head down and keeping quiet, desperately trying to avoid having to bowl. Shrubb blew his cover and Dave’s figures of 2-0-21-0 angered him enough to seek revenge in an LBW kind of way. Occhhe Ayee that’ll teach the nee wee bastard.

 

RICHARD WEBSTER

Reluctantly had a bowl. His first ball was a straight one on a good length. 6. It didn’t get much better, although he did pick up the prize wicket of the game. One day the Sri Lankan lad who scored 176 will play for his country and Richard will always have the memory of getting him out. Richard was bowled for naught with the bat, but who cares when you’ve taken the wicket of the future Sri Lankan Captain?

 

CLIFF “CRY BABY” BACON

Had his finger broken by Papa Barker and according to Simon’s wife, cried all the way to the hospital. According to the nurses, he sobbed like a girl all the while he was at the hospital. Boo hoo.