IF ONLY WE COULD BAT......
Saturday
2nds vs. Brighton & Hove Crescent, 10th July
The scene was set.... players turned up on time (
well reasonably )..... Skip looked sober ( from thirty yards away ) until you
got closer.. it was only at this point you realised he still had a can of
Stella in his jacket pocket and a free dance voucher clutched in his hand from
the previous nights trip to Spearmint Rhino....
Toss – Surprisingly Skip won the toss. Think he’s
getting practice in before the Cuckfield Ladies games – perhaps he should ask
Dodgy Bob for a few tips.... Unsurprisingly chose to field, reason being “
We’re a better chasing team..... “ (
Read the scorebook and make your own assessment on that statement! )
·
Stef – drove
people to the ground under the condition he had a bowl... He bowled... the oppo
skip declared when 200 was easily in sight... Was the oppo skip intimidated by
his bowling or was it just that he was bribed by Stef so he could have a
smoke??.. the latter probably... Didn’t fare better with the bat... Goldie...
Worth turning up really wasn’t it mate...
·
Muzza – fielded on the boundary all day... his zone
has either changed or he’s slightly bigger this year! Hit their left arm
quickie for a six and then thought he’d try to ( and I quote ) “ Smack it back
over his ( the bowlers ) head to really p*ss him off “..... He missed....
bowled for 20...
·
Nick Mercado – Fielded in the covers.... cut his
little pinkie trying to save 4 runs off Windy’s erratic bowling... dedication
for you that is!! Went off for treatment, came back with his hand all strapped
up and the next thing you know, he was expected to hold a catch cackhanded...
obviously he dropped it... Batted well, well he didn’t get a duck... 4 patient
runs..... at least he held up one end for about 10 overs...
·
Andy Thomas – 3 blinding catches, early season potential
as fielder of the year.... didn’t get chance to bowl his leg spin... probably a
good thing, otherwise he wouldn’t have any fantasy points left!! Tried to get a
golden... couldn’t reach the same heights as Stef though... still got a duck
though... was heard muttering “ he’s a bit too quick for me “ as he trudged
off...
·
Cricket Girl – 1st 3’fer for Staplefield..
Especially enjoyed by Grig who celebrated in customary style by tooting his car
horn and buying us guys beers after the game... Good work fella... Batting
exploits weren’t quite as good but didn’t get a duck and was not out... Hurrah!
·
Windy – a catch and a wicket... apart from that
bowled like little boy Barker from last year... i.e. crap... Would win the most
wides in a season award hands down... Failed to live up to his new nickname of
Boycs, with a quick fire 33.. Should have been out for 6 though but due to some
“inspired” umpiring remained in....
·
Griff – donned the gloves and looked at home... Is
the transition from boyhood to manhood taking place?.. Missed one chance but
kept well... Batting was a problem though!! Move those feet boy!! Just the 1
run... Is he in your 20/20 team I wonder??
·
Winston – wicketless... a rarity when Winny plays..
fielded and batted with his customary grace! At least he didn’t get a duck – he
got 1
·
Gaz – brought onto to bowl by the skipper... next
thing you know, he was on a hat-trick! Unfortunately he didn’t get it.. Third
top run scorer with 6... Fantastic umpiring decisions were made as well
·
Davross – spent most of the time in the field waving
at his daughter who was in the Victory having a drink! No cries of “ yooo gotta
be joking “ though this week.. Got 2 runs in the run chase, was slightly miffed
as Cricket Girl had originally scored him as only get a single... Maths is
obviously not Yvann’s strong point! Fantastic umpiring saved the day though
·
Rev – fielded with his customary gutso, rotated the
bowling and fielding positions. Unfortunately couldn’t show his team how to bat
as he got a 2nd ball duck... Nevermind though... think he’s lulling
people into a false sense of security... watch his fantasy value go down to £1
next year .. then he’ll get loads of points!!