REPORT BY THE GOOD STAPLE DIET
STEVE BARKER
Tidy
wicket keeping, snaffling 3 catches. Was unlucky to only make 3 runs with the
bat, holing out to a ball which took a dodgy bounce on an uneven surface.
Legend.
BOB FULLER
Back
from 3 weeks away and bravely opened up the bowling. Took an early wicket,
removing their dangerous opener. Back from 3 weeks away and bravely opened up
the batting. Was unlucky to be bowled off a ball which had exaggerated turn off
a dodgy pitch. Terrific.
CLIFF BACON
Superb
catch in the covers to get rid of their opener. Some sparkling throws in the
outfield coupled with some classy strokes during a batting partnership with
Floyer helped put the Staplefield ship on course for Victory. Spoke in Klingon
for most of the game. Superb-tok.
RICHARD
Got
pissed with Cliff the night before and agreed to be our 11th man. A
faultless display in the field and was unlucky to lose his wicket when facing a
ball which rose steeply off a dodgy pitch. Great.
MARK FLOYER
Contender
for Man of The Match. Only conceded 29 runs off 13 overs (& a couple of
those were over throws) and a brilliant 38 with the bat dug us out of a whole
and put us into a winning position. Tremendous.
BEN DRAKE
Great
work in the field and a breathtaking display with the bat, including 2 monster
straight sixes. His 30 runs played a huge part in putting us into a position to
win the game. Class.
DAVE THREADER
Landed
his leg breaks on a sixpence the likes of which we haven’t seen since The Great
Tashey. Picked up a deserved wicket and probably should have had a couple more.
Was unlucky to be bowled by a ball which checked on him off a dodgy pitch. God.
JASON VORSTER
Look
out Christian, we just may have found our new Captain Fantastic. Coming out to
bat at a crucial time when our only chance of reaching their total was to pile
on a lot of runs quickly, Zim proceeded to clatter 6 after 6 after 4 after 4
after 6. A 50 attained in next to no time and completely demoralised the oppo.
Lost about 6 of their balls as well. Captain Fantastic.
MARK SHRUBB
Picked
up his regulation wicket. Took a restful break after tea, slipping down the
batting order. Timed his rest to perfection coming out at the business end of
the innings, spanking a couple of big boundaries to finish off the match. Nice.
JAMES RALPH
Golden
arm snatched up 2 more wickets to add to his season tally and had a cool head
when blocking out the 1 over he had to face in a pressure situation at the end
of the match. Hero.
TOM BARKER
Marshalled
the troops intelligently in the field. Bowled with venom and was unlucky to
only pick up the 1 wicket. Not needed to bat and who would have thought that
when we were 10 for 3? Lordly.
REPORT BY THE EVIL STAPLE DIET
STEVE BARKER
Dropped
a right clanger behind the stumps to deny Dave another wicket. Batted
irresponsibly when we needed him most only contributing a poultry 3 runs.
Wanker.
BOB FULLER
Well,
his 3 week lay off certainly didn’t do him any good. Had to have his bowling
spell cut short before too much damage was done. Was bowled for a duck leaving
a straight one. Really should have stayed at home today. Plonker.
CLIFF BACON
Had a
couple of wildly embarrassing moments in the field letting the ball pass
straight through him on the way to the boundary. BAARRRRTOK. Got himself out as usual by employing his
signature hoik and miss. Tosser.
RICHARD
Was
given the privilege of batting in the prized No.4 position, which he promptly
threw back in our faces by spooning up a dolly catch for a duck. So a worthy
naught on debut then. Yeah thanks. Twit.
MARK FLOYER
Its
all well and good bowling all these pretty maidens, but a couple of wickets
wouldn’t go amiss. And it’s about time you turned these 20’s and 30’s into
50’s. In the pub after the match said ‘I assume Dave was a good player in his
day’. No idea. Idiot.
BEN DRAKE
Gave
his wicket away at a very foolish time. In the position we were in and with Ben
set with 30 runs to his name, it was time to push on to Victory. But oh no. Ben
just had to throw his wicket away. Prick.
DAVE THREADER
5
good balls an over isn’t bad. Trouble is, the 6th ball is always
smashed to the boundary. Contributed bugger all with the bat being bowled off a
straight long hop. Arse biscuit.
JASON VORSTER
Picture
the scene. 2 runs needed to win. Zim is on strike and already has 50 to his
name. All he needs to do is push the single. So what does he do? He Tries to
launch the ball into Crawley and only succeeds in lobbing the ball up in the
air for a simple catch. Prat.
MARK SHRUBB
Bowled
6 overs of mainly dross and at tea time looked like he’d just finished running
2 marathons. Pathetic. Hid himself down the order and came out to bat for a bit
of glory once all the hard work had been done. Arsehole.
JAMES RALPH
How
he managed to pick up wickets with those poxy deliveries is beyond us. Bloody
Australians. Blocked out a maiden over at the death when all we needed was a
couple of runs. Disastrous. The only way James can play at Staplefield next
season is if he gets a job over here, so he has applied to be Cliff’s Bitch.
Whose ya Daddy. Knob.
TOM BARKER
Bit
of bounce in the wicket so Tom bowls half a dozen overs of bouncers. About as
threatening as Bouncer the Labrador from Neighbours. Half Captained the side
and tucked himself away at No.11 like a cowardly girl. Bell end.