MEN IN WHITE COATS WANTED

Sunday XI v West Blatchington, 5^th September

Player	Situation	Positives	Negatives
Skeletor	Match Pub	Took a blinding one-handed catch in the covers Tenacious in his pursuit of the truth about Stavros and the white coat – see Papa Barker	Slashed away from ball one, soon gave his wicket away by lobbing one up into the covers; refused to ump as he was ‘reading my book’; sulked about the field most of the afternoon Left his pants and his book in the pavilion - FOOL
Van Brad	Match Pub	Won the toss on a blinding hot day – batted None	Argued about his LBW decision; Argued with oppo bowler; argued with the oppo captain Continued to argue he had hit the ball onto his pads
Papa Barker	Match Pub	Rolled back the years with a sublime 100; two catches with the gloves Bought two jugs	None Accused Stavros of lurking on the boundary in a white coat – very strange
Hibbe Jr	Match Pub	Excellent spell of sweeper fielding None	Couldn’t fathom their left arm spinner – even though he was a complete twat Confessed that his lack of availability over the last few weeks was because his Mum hadn’t washed his kit
Pike	Match Pub	None None	Bowled round his legs a la Mike Gatting for a duck; worst bowling ever – 70 for 0 off 9 Went home in a sulk
Radioactive Man	Match Pub	Blatted 10 useful runs with his trademark legside spank; field went from 7-2 to 3-6 within 1 over Copied up scorebook	Foolishly gave his skipper out LBW; worst bowling ever – 35 for 0 off 5 including a 10-ball last over Punished for above by being forced to copy up scorebook
Zim	Match Pub	27 very handy runs at #7; best bowler by a distance and also took a blinding slip catch None	None Unable to shed any light on white coat affair
Gazza	Match Pub	Took a catch at gully; carried his bat for one run None	None Unable to shed any light on white coat affair
Night Fever	Match Pub	Somehow managed 2 wickets None	Bowled all over the place; one of two wicket thanks to a smart legside catch by Papa Barker off a legside longhop Continued the lambasting of Mrs Hibbe by lecturing everyone on how bad her cooking was – domestic arrangements with the Hibberds clearly under strain; compounded white coat affair by accusing Stavros of being variously a toilet attendant, a butcher and an ice-cream van salesman
McStavros	Match Pub	None None	Dropped two catches; worst bowling ever – 16 for 0 off one10-ball over See all above – completely unable to explain his obsession with white coats
Ricardo Webster	Match Pub	Fielded well Bought Cliff a beer; kept quiet	None None