Sunday XI
v Moulscomb District, 24th July
Arrived
with hangover and promptly ran himself out hardly troubling the scorers at all.
Picked up a couple of wickets later in the day by bowling spiteful deliveries
at batsmen who couldn’t bat. Bastard.
Completed a masterful batting weekend scoring 3 runs to lift
his average to 1.5. Not bad for an opening batsman. Did hold a well judged
catch though, running backwards and having to control his ample gut on the way.
Continued his evolvement into Dave Threader by taking an eternity to set every
field and then not to stick to it and to shunt people around further. Games are
finishing later and later.
Cliff
“Skeletor” Bacon
Batted almost sensibly today, playing a few decent shots and
steadying the ship after the early demise of the openers. Things worked out
brilliantly in the field too, as Cliff was substituted (citing a double groin
injury as the reason) for Pat Doran.
Scored an impressive 38, which went a long way towards us
making a half-respectable total. Amused the Pavilion when he doffed his cap
excitedly after pulling a short one for six. Things got even better in the
field as The Doffer collected a four wicket haul to cap top performance. Still
parks his car on the square leg boundary. Come on Zim, you know what to do.
Cross batted inside edge meant not many runs with the bat
today. Be careful when playing that shot on Tour. Bowled with expertly and with
controlled flight, but whichever way you look at it, it’s still a nunfer.
Made the tea and was eternally grateful for the accuracy of
Van Brad’s weather forecast. In the morning it looked for all intents and
purposes that the game would be cancelled due to heavy rain, however with
Pete’s rain radar (plus the fact that he’s going on holiday & will miss the
next three weeks cricket anyway), the game was declared “on”. Bob claims that
he can make a cricket tea in a little under 40 minutes. Is this a record? Can
anybody do better? Answers to Staple Diet please. Hid himself down at No.6,
which didn’t work as he was out tamely edging to 1st slip for five.
Picked up two wickets, but that was about it for today.
The 2nd
genuine Scouser to play for Staplefield, following the legend that was Peter
Walsh. Apart from the accent there are other similarities. They both drive an
Audi. Neither of them can spin the ball (although that’s an assumption as Chris
hasn’t been asked to bowl yet) and they’ve both shaved their moustaches off.
Scored a handful with bat in hand and also took a smart catch at gulley in the
field.
It was Zim’s day
today. Blistered 48 not out to get us up to 144 (although it was disgusting the
way he took a single to leave ASBO exposed thus making sure of jug avoidance).
Entertained us all with a lively display behind the stumps, taking three
catches amongst it all. With potential Twenty/20 games on Tour, Zim looks to
have hit form just at the right time.
Eyes down, look in,
it’s Golden Duck time. Dave looked absolutely perplexed to see his stumps all
over the place. Why? Bowled a succession of wides during his spell which
obviously got into the psyche of the batsman as he clearly wasn’t expecting a
straight one, because when he eventually did, he clean bowled him.
An unexpected
promotion to No.10 today. Only scored 2 runs, but more importantly, this took
an incredible amount of time allowing Zim to thrash away at the other end. Also took one hard on the nadger for the
sake of the Team. A rather animated bowling spell followed with many “ooohs”
and “ahhhhs” and head in hands episodes as the batsmen played and missed.
Decided to wear his new England cap, which made him look a bit of a prat. Also
turned up in his new Porsche and spent 20 minutes after the game driving a very
excited Avocado around the village … a contender for gayest moment of the
season so far.
A new Staplefield
Legend in the making. This boy has potential to make it into the top 5 SCC
characters of all time. Arrived at the game in a Dulux Brilliant White coloured
outfit from head to toe, complete with ‘hoody’. He looked as though he was about
to deal with a Nuclear Reactor Core problem somewhere. A classic No.11 in every regard. Couldn’t
quite manage to keep Zim company for very long, but it was fun watching him
try. Should have had a wicket late on in the game, but was robbed when Zim spilled
the chance. Claimed he could smell petrol leaking from the Roller in the shed
post match. Astonishingly, his close up assessment was undertaken whilst
smoking a cigarette. Having survived this, he then spent his time in The
Tanners showing everyone his collection of mobile phone pictures of depravity,
including a woman kicking 7 shades of sh*te out of a man’s wedding tackle.
Nice.