Nuthurst (A) 24th April

History: This is the team that caned us by 10 wickets 2 years ago when we were all out for 38 - or was it 39? - which spawned the first “Duck Rustling” article in the Diet. Here’s that fateful card again. Of the players from that day, only Van Brad and three duckers – Zim, Pike and Davross were prepared to risk it again. But what a reward, with a fabulous six wicket win.

BATSMAN	runs
Biffa	5
(.)(.)	6
Hibbe jr	quack
Brutal	quack
Zim	quack
Pike	quack
Jason Moores	18
Diana	quack
Revvin	9
Bubbles	quack
Nabob	0
EXTRAS	1
TOTAL	39

PLAYER	NICE REVIEW	NASTY REVIEW
Van Brad	Won the toss, wisely chose to field. Astute deployment of bowlers and fielders. Match winning innings of 32 in the rain.	Batting as exciting as watching paint dry. Lucky to have the only 4 fielders that can catch in the right place. Only a coward would have chosen to field first in this game.
Papa Barker	Excellent opening partnership with Van Brad set us on our way. Tidy behind the stumps.	Grumpy about being out caught at midwicket of a full toss. Argued for ages that the knee high ball was ‘well above my waist’. Sloppy behind the stumps.
Windy	Good match with bat and ball. Tidy spell of death bowling, plus two excellent catches at gully and slid into the troublesome number three slot with aplomb.	Lucky not too get caned with plenty of legside rubbish. Whinged about having to bat number three then plodded away for ages for a measly 27 off tiring bowlers.
Zim	Two tidy overs at the death to wrap up the innings plus a sparkling catch at silly mid-off off Meccano. Saw us home with an unbeaten 17.	Only bowled because Meccano couldn’t finish the tail off and picked up a rabbit. Dolly catch that my Mum could have caught with her other hand on her zimmer frame. Scored most off his runs over and through the slips.
Matt Hogan	Promising new Aussie recruit, bowled an excellent spell and was unlucky not to pick up a wicket. Partially compensated by a smart catch at silly point off Meccano. Unluckily out for a duck on debut to a real shooter.	Rubbish bowling, rubbish batting, Aussie cricketers my arse.
Flayer	Smart spell of first change bowling, rewarded with 2 wickets. Saw us home with 10 unbeaten at the end.	Two lucky wickets on a very bowler friendly strip, took ages to score 10 at the end when we all wanted to get off to the pub.
Luke Cooper	Fielded like a Trojan.	Lazy little git couldn’t be bothered to bat or bowl.
Meccano	Ripped the heart out of the lower middle order with a great spell of leg spin. Took two smart catches in the covers.	Bought three expensive wickets with his so-called leg spin.
Davross	Umpared the noo and wouldnae gie his cap’n oot tae a plumb LBW. Gae than booler nae change when usked wha’s than bool massin’. Bampot.	Umpared the noo and wouldnae gie his cap’n oot tae a plumb LBW. Gae than booler nae change when usked wha’s than bool massin’. Bampot.
Pike	Sensational opening spell, almost unplayable. Deserved more than one wicket but set the tone and Nuthurst always struggled to up the run rate after that.	Lucky for him Nuthurst openers were complete rubbish, so plodding they made Tits look good. Eight overs and only one wicket on a real bowler-friendly pitch is a piss-poor return.
Oranges	Sensational opening spell, almost unplayable. Deserved more than one wicket but set the tone and Nuthurst always struggled to up the run rate after that.	Lucky for him Nuthurst openers were complete rubbish, so plodding they made Tits look good. Seven overs and only one wicket on a real bowler-friendly pitch is a piss-poor return.

NUTHURST 112 ALL OUT (Meccano 3-31, Windy 2-25) STAPLEFIELD 113-6 (PB 32, Windy 27)