DAVROSS RETURNS (the ball for Slinfold)

Sunday XI v Slinfold, 12^th June

Pre Match

· Following the Eagles/Falcons fiasco, Davross managed to organise this pick-up fixture with only one panic phone call to Van Brad stating “Aye Pe’ah, Dayeve here ya ken, I dinna maen Slinfield lahk I sayd in yon ehmull yer pleyin’ Sunnay the noo, aye nae laddie, Slinfold they bampots calls thusells aye, mah mestake ken”.

1^st Innings – Staplefield Bat

· Papa Barker leg glances a shot which heads for the rope. Inexplicably, net bowler Davross fields the ball 3 metres inside the boundary and throws it back to a bemused fielder. Net result 2 runs scored, Papa B miffed.

· A Slinfold player has to go off to change his boots. Davross trots onto the field ready to continue his fielding heroics for them. Disappointingly their player re-appears before the next ball is bowled.

· Papa Barker is clean bowled for 4. He mumbles something about inswing.

· Skeletor Bacon helps himself to a 16-ball duck.

· P B T*ts, operating on only 1 leg, decides he can open the innings. Last week, against the might of the Crawley Eagles, he claimed his injury meant he had to bat at No.11. Interesting. However, he blats a quick fire and cavalier 27.

· Splasher scores SCC’s 1^st century of 2005 successfully negotiating himself past the perilous 97 mark.

· Mercado becomes latest player to lose his virginity as he eases himself to an unbeaten 52.

· During these landmarks, Van Brad agonises over whether to declare. VC Bacon comments “I’d declare now” as Avocado reaches 49 and further comments “I’d definitely call them off now” as Splasher reaches 97.

Tea

· SCC 228-4, VB apologies profusely to oppo skipper for scoring ‘far too many runs’.

· The tea time interval saw us introduced to our 1^st taste of a “no love cheese roll”. The Moormanator had provided 12” sub rolls with a 1/4lb hacked-off chunk of cheddar-style cheese slapped in the middle. There was no love in the making of those.

2^nd Innings – Staplefield Field

· Orange Tony gets a 2^nd spell (it was only to change ends, but technically it’s a 2^nd spell) and helps himself to a 5-fer and buys a jug. It’s not often you see 3 miracles in a day.

· The 5^th wicket is a youngster but Smegma does it in style, wedging the ball between off and middle stumps.

· Zim’s bowling takes a mauling.

· Revvin’s bowling is sent to all parts.

· Yvann was quite tight …. obviously.

· Davross’ boooling was hammered

· Papa B picks up a wicket, but it costs him 21 off 3

· Avocado is taken for 8 an over off his 2

· Slinfold send out a young boy to umpire who refuses to give their opener (who’s hammering us to all parts) out when skipper Bradders throws down the stumps. He sulks lengthily (over the loss of 20 precious fantasy points).

· Slinfold knock off the runs for 6 down.

Apres Match

· Pat Doran was disappointed post match not to have had the opportunity to use his new bat. Apparently it was reduced in a Sports shop in Crawley from £125.00 to £19.50. Well, that doesn’t sound remotely suspicious does it?

· It was reported post match that Kev Moorman refuses to catch an early flight to Manchester to watch the Old Trafford Test v Australia because that would involve him paying more than a cheap day return rail fare getting from Horsham to Gatwick Airport. Well, s’pose it is 60p worth of lager after all.

· It was also reported post match that Grig Condom may not be able to play the following weekend because he has to baby sit some electricians. Apparently his house is an electrical hazard. So, nice place to raise a young family then.

· Perhaps the most extraordinary sighting at The Tanners post match was that of Tony Pugh now wearing teenage fashion slippers. Has SCC got another contender for Mid-Life Crisis Man of The Year?

· Lost by 6 wickets.