CHARLIE THE FORGOTTEN FISH FACE - Sat 1sts v Crawley Falcons, 22 April

TOM'S TRIP UP TURMOIL TURNS INTO A TONIC, Sat 1sts v Horsham (version 1)

PIKE ANNOUNCES HE'S GOING HOME FOR SOME 'DIY' WHILST SCC DISCOVER A NEW GLOVEMAN - Sat 1sts v Horsham (version 2)

ASBO FEELS A LITTLE LIGHTER - Sunday XI v Henfield, 7th May

STONE COLD STEVE BARKER TAKES A FIRM HOLD - Sat 1sts v Smallfield, 13th May

"I'M NOT ALLOWED LAD'S MAGAZINES, I'LL HAVE TO MAKE DO WITH WISDEN CRICKETER" - STEVE MILLER - Sunday XI v Lindfield, 14th May

ZIM UNABLE TO MINCE HIS WORDS FOR ONCE - Sat 1sts v Palmers, 20th May

"IF YOU GO UP THAT DIRT TRACK YOU'LL COME ACROSS MY MOTHER-IN-LAW'S BACK ENTRANCE" - Sunday XI v Colemans Hatch, 28th May

STAPLEFIELD EQUAL RECORD - Midweek XI v Crawley Falcons, 31st May

49 AND PROUD OF IT - Sat 1sts v Roffey 3, 3rd June

"I'D GIVE MY HIGH TEETH TO PLAY HERE AGAIN" - P BRADBURY - Sunday XI v Chipstead, 4th June